It’s nearly 3 am and I should be sleeping but my mind is racing in a hazy fog. There are so many thoughts pouring through that I can’t sleep.
Went to my mother-in-laws around 5 yesterday evening and spent my time there painting rooms until 1 am. I have to go back tomorrow to add a second coat to one room, paint the trim (because when they painted the rooms 11 years ago they screwed it up royally), and paint the kitchen cabinets and doors. Left her house feeling high from being stuck in two very small poorly ventilated rooms that took two to three coats a piece in paint. And of course not thinking about what I was doing I took a half of one of my muscle relaxers when I did get home and now I’m very floaty.
I’m 33, I have no business being this high but I am and I guess I’ll enjoy this fleeting feeling.
I keep thinking about how much my depression affected me this last year and how much I didn’t notice it until just a few days ago. I had a huge break down in June and I did start putting myself back together with help from my loved ones; however, I was focusing on day to day healing and not looking deep into the wounds I had create. Over the past few days though I have taken a long look at the bigger picture and realized how much of my life I let slip away.
I need to fix that. Blogging is one of the things that I let fall to the side along with my art. So starting this week I am going to focus more on the things I enjoyed before depression stole them from me.